Monika Hendrix

core wounds and the shadow self 

trauma

Monika Hendrix 

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leadership
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Trauma
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Hi, I'm monika

The shadow self is the lower self, also known as the disowned self. It consists of negative emotions like greed, jealousy, selfishness, lust for power...etc.

Core wounds are the things that interfere with the successful establishment of a solid and healthy Self. 

Solid and healthy relationships require solid and healthy selves. 

You must go back and heal was what left incomplete in your own development. 

If you don’t, you run the risk of experiencing chronic and painful patterns in your most intimate relationships. 

Think back to when you were a child. Can you remember a time when you felt emotionally wounded? What was going on at that time? Did you take on a negative belief about yourself in that moment?

The shadow self is the lower self, also known as the disowned self. It consists of negative emotions like greed, jealousy, selfishness, lust for power...etc. 

When you observe one of these lower emotions, instead of push it away, I invite you to lean into the feeling and explore these “darker” aspects of your personality. 

Let’s take jealousy for instance. I’ll paint you a little dialogue/scenario so that you can understand what I mean when I say “lean into”...

Let’s imagine that you’re a jealous ex girlfriend (or boyfriend) for a moment. 

It’s been a year since you broke up with your ex. You’ve moved on, and you both are living separate lives. You feel as though you’ve really healed since the break up and you rarely think about them anymore. Then, one day, you’re scrolling through your social media accounts and you come across their profile photo. But wait-it isn’t just THEIR photo you see-
You see them in a photo with their arms wrapped around someone new. All of a sudden, you feel a flash of heat move through your body. Your stomach turns as you continue to scroll through their photos, looking at how happy they seem with their new partner. 

Why do you feel like this? It’s been a year! A whole year! Why is this bothering you? 
Admit it-you’re jealous. 

Ok. Now that we’ve identified what you’re feeling, let’s dig....

Q:Where is this feeling coming from? 
A: “He/she looks so happy without me!”

Q:Why does it matter if they’re happy without you?
A:”Because I used to be the one they looked at that way.”

Q:But you broke up with them...so why does it matter?
A: “Because I secretly want their attention.”

Q: Why do you want their attention?
A: “Because I struggle with validating myself.”

Q: And why do you struggle with validating yourself? 
A: “Because I remember that when I was a child, my siblings took all the attention away from me.”

Now, we know this isn’t true, but we can clearly see that they are being triggered by an early memory of feeling jealous.

We’re still not done. Let’s keep peeling the onion...

Q: And why do you need attention?
A: “Because I’m not good enough.”

BOOM. There it is. ”I’m not good enough” is the story that they’re playing in their mind, thus leading to the arisal of all of these lesser emotions, like jealousy. 

Once you identify the story, you can flip the script and re-write a new narrative. One that feels right, and serves your highest good. 

Comments +

I never really understood what my core wounds were until I began looking at my childhood. It's been one heck of a healing journey. Now, I embrace my shadow side instead of hide from it. 

I wish I could time travel and never have experienced pain from my core wounds. It's hard, but I'm grateful for the healing process. Curious to learn more about shadow work. 

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